Learning to Listen

I am not good at listening to my body.

I am good at listening to others.

I am good at listening between the lines of lyrics, speeches, and news reports.

But I do not listen to my body.....until it yells!

This past year we all experienced the pandemic and the quarantine in many different ways.  It was both traumatic and life giving at the same time.  It gave us time to slow down and live in our homes; which we sometimes just past through.  It brought up stressors and fears we have never experienced.  During so much uncertainty and suffering around the world due to Covid-19, living through this time has brought many of us a greater sense of what and who really matter!  We see very clearly that the life we were rushing through was taking a toll on us, our bodies, our families, and our planet in ways that were extremely harmful!

This was certainly the case for me.  I realized this past year that I NEVER listened to my body.  I never stop when I feel pain, or fatigue, or stress.  My response is to push through. I toughen up and just carry on.  At the end of a very stressful day I would not talk the day through with my husband, or move my body to release the stress; I would retreat to the couch with a glass of wine and hope it would all was away! And I went through LOTS of wine !

The quarantine time began a shift in me.  I slowly began waking up to myself.  Realizing that I do not know me.  The faith unraveling I went through years ago was still swirling and tensing my body; the fears and trauma I experienced around Liam's disease and seizures years back were still swirling and tensing my body; the fear of sending my daughter out into the world to choose her own unique path was swirling through my body; the stress of virtual school and keeping my family safe was swirling through my body; and of course, the election and political scene of this past year caused its own stress and tension.  Every fear, stress, emotion, heartache, disappointment was still with me.  I realized I never really DEALT with them properly and released them.  I had been carrying them around with me and when they would bubble up as an outburst of emotion or odd sensation of pain , I would shove them back in and push through.  

Podcasts and Books are my joys!  I am a learning junkie!  I want to know all the things and dove headfirst into the Podcast world!  I have at least 10 that I listen to weekly without fail, honestly there are probably more!  It was a podcast that first awoke me to my habit of not listening to my body, and once you learn something you can't unlearn it, the signals and message of "Listen to Your Body" were everywhere!  Brene Brown has an amazing Podcast called 'Unlocking Us.'  It is on the Spotify podcast platform.  Sometime during quarantine she has on the Nagoski sisters to discuss their book Burnout.  The book is about how we are facing such high numbers of burnout at such younger ages, what is contributing to it, and what we can do about it.  I will admit I have thrown around the phrase, "I am so burned out" hundreds of times, but I do not think I have really hit the literal burned out wall more than 4 times.  Being burned out feels so differently for each of us so it is hard to compare burn outs, but when you are in it you KNOW it!

The conversation Brene and the sisters had was awakening to me.  I forwarded it to multiple people imploring them to listen, I listened to it again with my husband, and then again on my own, and I even ordered their book!  My biggest takeaway was that we all have a stress cycle that must be completed for stress, emotions and trauma to leave our bodies.  If we do not complete the cycle we are just storing these strong emotions and hurt into our bodies and they will keep resurfacing.  When your body releases stress hormones to activate your fight or flight or freeze reaction to ANY situation whether you are being chase by a barking dog or trying to figure out the Zoom call; if you do not work out those hormones and stresses they will linger and wreak havoc down the road.  They gave many different ways to help end the stress cycle (I highly recommend searching out this episode and listening to it) but my two favorite go to's have been the 20-30 second hug, and moving my body. 

 After we listened together, my husband and I intentionally started doing this as soon as he came home from work and washed his hands.  we would stand in the kitchen and hug for 20-30 seconds and just breathe.  I can not explain why but at the end I could just feel a release and a calm within me.  He could let go of what he was stressing and worrying about at work all day, and the big mountain of an issue I would have normally bombarded him with suddenly seemed not so grand.  It became so magical to me I began incorporating it into life with the kids.  When the 7 year old is falling apart over a writing assignment I just open my arms and smile to him; he comes and we hug until he feels better.  No talking, no lecturing, just hugging.  The sisters explain in the episode the safety you feel in an embrace like the 20-30 second hug lets your body relax and know it is safe.  It doesn't have to fight for you anymore.  And it does just that.  Your body responds by bringing you down a few levels!  

Exercise and moving my body are daily activities around here.  Especially during quarantine, I would do at least a 3 mile walk everyday.  When you are trapped in a home with just those related to you a walk around town seems perfection.  However, I wasn't paying attention to the feet and ankle pains my body kept shooting at me.  I just pushed through.  After the Podcast I began noticing the sensations of pain and listened!  Instead of walking everyday now I retreat to my room for some yoga and stretching.  All that grit your teeth and just walk thinking I had has caused some serious ankle pain and injury that I will now be dealing with for a while.  This practice of slowing down and listening to the pains and not fighting them has been extremely beneficial for me.  I still go on walks some but I no longer push through when I feel pain.  I acknowledge it and try to deal with it.  Sometimes that leaves me sitting on the ground shoes off stretching my feet on the sidewalk!  Now to help complete the stress cycle I like to do a flow of releasing stretches before bed, or dance it out with Judson in the kitchen!  I find that I don't crave the numbness of the wine as much when I truly hear what my body needs and wants: to know I am safe!  

The art of listening and discerning our body is one that does not come natural to us.  So many have been preaching this message for years!  This podcast was not the first time I had heard I needed to do this; it was just the first time I took in the message the way that registered to me.  I have friends who have had to listen to their bodies because of serious medical issues that gave them no other choice.  Walking through severe trauma also can be a awake up call to listen to your body.  

I told a friend earlier I feel like I have been in a year long hibernation.  I am waking up and venturing out again.  As we all start to move out of the worst of the pandemic I hope we will take some of what we learned with us.  I for one am so thankful for the lessons I have learned.  I will hug my people tighter (and for at least 20 sec) and will continue to let my body guide me.  I have a long way to go in learning to release some of the traumas and anxieties of the past but I know as I age do not want to carry those fears and anxieties any longer.

Learn to listen to your body....Learn to let go of what it doesn't need....Learn how it likes to move...Learn what it likes as fuel.  We only get this one body so we need to love it as much as we love those other bodies in our homes.

And sometimes give it the wine!